I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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