You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
