I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize