booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
