remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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