3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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