At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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