Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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