Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
