My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Bring me that man meat
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
