She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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