i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The beer is more important than you right now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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