can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
