He disabled his match.com account in front of me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
