you would pick up someone in the library
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
