During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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