your room smells of hookers.
And success
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
