i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You've changed since you got that strap on
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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