Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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