Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
