someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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