Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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