I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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