I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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