I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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