hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
