Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
