Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
