Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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