I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
