I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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