I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
