dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My life is pants optional.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
