I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
