Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
