Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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