We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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