you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
