So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
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We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
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You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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