You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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