There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
