I wish I could teleport
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
