You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
