So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
