Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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