All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
