I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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