FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
