When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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