If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
