I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
