Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
