Dual....:-)
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
