So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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