Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
