What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
