Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
