There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize