I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
