im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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