i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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