I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
