ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
