there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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