you would pick up someone in the library
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
