ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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