i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Acid is not a monday night drug
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's always time for handjobs
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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