Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Who died my cat blue again?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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