The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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