Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
