i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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