god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
