We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
