Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
