dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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