Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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