Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
