Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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