you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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