I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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