I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's blow job season.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
