Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Randomize
